


Repetition

by idrilhadhafang



Series: Rey-Write AUs [14]
Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Groundhog Day (1993) Fusion, Ben Solo is a Mess, Heavy Angst, Jedi Ben Solo, Kylo Ren is a Mess, M/M, Minor Character Death, POV Ben Solo, Pre-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Time Loop
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-21
Updated: 2018-05-21
Packaged: 2019-05-09 23:49:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14725944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/pseuds/idrilhadhafang
Summary: In which the newly minted Kylo Ren has to relive the day he said goodbye to Poe over and over again, until he finds the crucial ingredient that can save him and Poe.





	1. Loop One

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

“You spoke with Dameron?”

That’s what Snoke says even as Kylo reports before him. Kylo stands before him and says, “Yes.” And he has to keep his voice from cracking, because he feels like he’s about to cry. 

”You did well,” Snoke said. “A hard thing without a doubt. There, Kylo — there’s no need to cry. After all, attachments can’t be brought where we now go, can they?”

”No.” Kylo takes a deep breath. It hurts, but as ever, the Supreme Leader is right. His lungs feel like they’re full of shattered transparisteel, but he can do this. To carry out the Supreme Leader’s will, he can do just about anything. 

“Get some rest,” the Supreme Leader says. “We’ll arrive at our destination in due time.”

”Yes, Supreme Leader.” Kylo bows and leaves, all the while feeling an emptiness where Poe used to be. A nothing. Poe was a part of his life for what seemed like so long, and now he’s gone. And Kylo chose it. 

But it was for Poe’s own good, wasn’t it? The absolute best. 

He gets to his quarters on the _Supremacy_ , before falling into an uneasy sleep. 

***

He wakes up the next morning in Poe’s bed. Their bed, he should say. And he’s grateful. Even taking in the sight of Poe in their bed, he’s practically a vision in the sheets. His husband. Indescribably precious in more ways than one...

Poe stirs in that moment, looking up at Ben. “Ben? What time is it?”

”Damned if I know.” Ben said. “I had the most awful...” He trails off. Was it a dream? It seemed so real. 

“Dream?”

”It must have been.” Ben rubs his temples. “I’ll be damned if I know. It was about you, and saying goodbye to you, and — ’’

”Ben. Sweetheart. Angel.” Poe draws him in for a kiss. There’s something about the taste of those lips that Ben swears he’ll never get tired of tasting. When Poe breaks the kiss, he says, “You’re not gonna say goodbye to me for a long time. Not permanently, that is.”

Ben can only hope. 

“We ought to take advantage of the morning,” Ben says. “Show you, plain and simple, how much you mean to me.”

“Maybe later, Ben,” Poe says. “I’m gonna be late.”

”It’s only...” Ben checks his chrono. “Four oh hundred. You’ve got plenty of time.”

”Good.”

And even as he kisses down Poe’s body, Ben swears that there’s something savage in him, something still Kylo Ren, waiting to break free. He trembles on the edge, even as he finds the right places to pleasure Poe. Giving him enough pleasure to make him scream. 

He can only hope that Kylo Ren was just a bad dream. 

***

After sex, the rest feels like Ben going through the motions. Except for him avoiding the Holonet, though when he sees the other Jedi looking at him like he’s the dirt underneath their shoe, he knows why. 

“Really,” he says. “I can explain — ’’

“It does explain a lot, doesn’t it?” one of the Jedi says. “Evil as plain as anything. It’s just a matter of time before you act on it.”

White hot fury wells up in him, and he hisses, “You want to see evil? I’ll show you evil.”

”Ben — ’’

Uncle Luke’s voice. Trying to calm him down. 

“Ben!”

The Jedi is struggling, almost like he’s caught in some sort of invisible grip. 

“Let him go, Ben.” His uncle’s pleading with him. “Please.”

Ben does, but the damage is done. He’s effectively killed someone. 

And the worst part is, in that moment, even after Uncle Luke exiles him, how detached he feels from it. 

 

 


	2. Through the Loops

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben struggles to get it right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

He wakes up in Poe’s bed again. Same pajamas, same everything, and he’ll be damned if he knows what’s going on. Another bad dream? Except bad dreams don’t usually get like...this. Something’s going wrong, but Ben doesn’t know what. 

Poe is practically a vision in the sheets, and Ben loves him more just by knowing that he’ll be separated from him. He’s so precious. So beautiful. 

He goes through the motions again with Poe. Except before he leaves, he says, “Whatever you do, avoid the Holonet.”

Poe smiles at him. “Promise.”

***

Despite Ben trying to keep his temper this time around, it was someone insulting his family and Poe that led him to snap this time. This time, it was a lightsaber through the heart. When the other Jedi turned on him, he killed them too and fled, though not before saying goodbye to Poe. Snoke became his sanctuary, in a way, after he had snapped.

No Knights of Ren this time. And as Ben wakes up in Poe’s bed again, he can’t help but wonder what in the name of the Corellian hells is the point. 

***

He stays home that day, trying his damndest to fake an illness in order just to simply not go to the Enclave. He pretends he caught some sort of flu. He wishes he didn’t need an excuse  to avoid Uncle Luke, but he has to do it. 

Kriffing hell, but he needs to do it.

Poe asks him then what’s going on. 

Ben explains. Explains as best as he can. 

Poe blinks. “That’s a pretty creative explanation,” he says, “But you can’t just miss out on your uncle just because of some...time loop, or something."

”Whatever’s going on, this...” Ben rubs his temples. “I don’t know if it’s a lesson, or...”

It dawns on him. “It is,” he says. “It’s some sort of lesson. I know this. Because before the loop, I did horrible things, and then...” He sighs. “So it’s a lesson. I’m not turning to the Dark Side, ergo I lose you, and we have to start over."

"That’s it?" Poe says. “I mean...I could have told you that. No offense.”

”I expected you to be angrier with me.”

”Never.” Poe places his head against Ben’s. “I’m going to love you, no matter what you do.”

Ben smiles.

”I should have known."

***

The next loop (Ben is hesitant to call it the next day; far as he knows, it’s just another loop), Ben gets out of bed and promises himself to keep his head. He has breakfast with Poe before going off to the Enclave. He doesn’t know whether or not being a good boy is going to get him out of this, but it’s worth a try. 

Dammit, it’s worth a try.

He keeps his head. Even when he’s taunted. Still, he can feel anger building up in him, and more than that, pain. 

He finds Snoke outside later, and the Milaran eyes him. Kriff. He was so bent on being a good boy he didn’t think of Snoke, actually.

”Are you well?” Snoke says. 

Ben has to keep his emotions bottled. He just has to. Being the good boy. He has to be the good boy. 

Snoke tilts his head. "More programming that Skywalker put into your head, no doubt.”

”It’s not my uncle."

"Oh? I thought it was more of his sick propaganda. You know how he is. What if I gave you freedom from that propaganda? Would you take it?”

Ben swallows. He can’t lose Poe. And more than that, he can’t kill. 

“I’ve done enough.”

”On the contrary, you’ve done nothing.”

”No. I have. I know what you’re thinking, and I can’t do it. I’m not Vader’s scion. I am...myself.”

Snoke’s face darkens. Then, “You will regret refusing me.”

It’s that night the Academy burns, and multiple Jedi die. Too many. It’s a different Knight this time who sets the fire, and Ben wonders if the fire was doomed to happen either way. 

***

He wakes up. He’s in Poe’s bed, again. And he knows he’s going to do what he can to save the others at the Academy. 

After spending time with Poe, he goes to the Academy and makes his changes. He starts out by telling them the truth. He gets some dirty looks, but others rally behind him. “I don’t see a monster standing there,” one of them says, and Ben feels something strange...hope. For him. 

He tells Uncle Luke about the attack too. Uncle Luke seems skeptical, but whether or not he sensed something in the Force, he agrees to put up the defenses. 

“We need to set mines,” Uncle Luke says. “Mines, alarms, just about everything. Anything to hold our ground against Snoke. If he’s coming here, then we need all the defenses we can get.”

***

The night is rainy, and even getting the others evacuated (at least those who haven’t stayed behind in order to defend Yavin) Ben has to be grateful just for those who didn’t think he was just playing a prank. If he can get out of this, he can get the others out too, and that’ll count for something.

The alarms go off, and Ben knows that someone’s breached the perimeter. It’s the Knights of Ren, and he can feel lives being snuffed out in the Force even as they hit the mines. It hurts to feel, and Ben wonders absently if they were like him in the previous loops. Somehow. 

The survivors burst through the door, slicing it open with their lightsabers, and Ben can feel the fear of the other soldiers. The terror. 

No matter what comes through that door, they’ll hold their ground. They are soldiers, after all. 

The inside is a blur of grenade flashes and Force powers and more. People on both sides fall, Knight of Ren and Jedi and militia alike. 

And then Snoke appears. 

The others look up at him in terror — and realization. This is the First Jedi, some people are saying, things Ben knew when he was first captured by Snoke and brought before him. He made the First Order.

”Ben,” he says. “I’ve crossed galaxies to find you..."

”I bet you have,” Ben says.

”You’ve fought with the spirit of a true Jedi. That I can’t deny. Though I think you’ll find yourself to be vastly outnumbered in terms of morality.”

”Less outnumbered than you think.” Ben says. 

"I think you’ll find that’s not the case,” Snoke says. “Your fellow Jedi are hypocrites, all of them. Why do you fight alongside them?”

”Because,” Ben says, “It’s the right thing to do."

“A pity,” Snoke says. “I had hoped.”

He draws his lightsaber. Ben draws his lightsaber, and the duel begins. 


End file.
